Heavy. Is how I feel. Carrying the weight on my shoulders begins to bog me down. Cylinder blocks for shoulders until I can no longer carry them. Worry, anxiety, panic, and fear sets in. Consuming every ounce of my energy. Depression set in. Seasons have changed and the damage has begun. This time it feels different. Like I’m alone, and drowning. No one around to see or hear me. Gargling water in thin air. Everyone around me, yet no one there. Chest is tight, breaths begin to shorten. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. Grabbing my chest just trying to get words out. I need help. Everything feels so heavy. No one to turn to. A heavy burden weighing down upon me. One day it all becomes too much to hold. The cylinder blocks fall. Oh no! They’ve broken. What have I done? Screaming, crying, gasping for air. Even trying to breathe in that moment is… heavy. Once the calm sets in, I am relieved. Burden still sits upon my shoulders but I have regained control of myself. I pick up the cylinders. Slowly piecing them back together, until the next time… when things get… heavy and I find myself breaking all over again… ~J.R.