Alone is an understatement of how I currently feel. I feel like the universe is out to get me, and no one understands how I am feeling. I feel so stuck and numb in recent decisions that I have had to endure. How does one go from being so full and happy to alone and numb all of a sudden? The one person you want to go to with everything you can’t because you’ve set your boundaries and taken a pause for yourself. You finally put yourself first, and realized your happiness is allowed to be made a priority. For she too can be loved by herself and others, and it took her this long to realize happiness does not come from others, but from within. I have been taking it day by day to be able to gather and collect my thoughts and feelings, and most of those thoughts and feelings have just been feeling paralyzed. For she always has so much to say, yet lately she has so little to say. She is alone, and misses her grandparents whom she could count on for everything. I miss the judgement free conversations and feeling like my voice is being heard. I want to be happy again. I want to live again and feel like the universe is in line with me and not against me. How can I stop the clock and just gather all my thoughts and feelings. I want to be able to come to terms with myself, and what decision I want to make when that time comes. A part of me is nervous that I won’t have the answer within the timespan given. I just want it all to go away so that I do not have to feel like this anymore. The feeling of being so isolated and alone eats at me everyday. When will I be able to come to terms with it all? How can she find her happiness again? Will she have to stay alone? The best is yet to come, and until then we ride the waves.

-J.Rios-