In the blink of an eye everything can change.

In the blink of an eye it can all be over.

One minute you’re staring off into space, and the next minute you feel like you are twenty feet deep into an abyss drowning.

Trapped inside your own mind, contemplating on how you will survive. One minute you are fine and dandy and the next minute you are miserable.

In the blink of an eye everything can change.

Some days I am fine. Others I am not. Both days I am suffering with a lifelong disease. In the blink of any eye- feelings change. Today at work I was having a fine day, until it all hit me like a ton of bricks and suddenly I was depressed. My body became heavy, my heart ached, and I struggled to breathe. I masked all of this with a smile, and with an “I’m tired”.

My mom has always told me to never judge a book by its cover because you never know what someone is going through. I have never related to a quote so much in my life. I for one can often times be judged for my bubbly and loud personality, but many fail to realize that it is all just a mask to cover the amount of suffering I endure internally.

I sat at my desk realizing that everything can change in a blink of an eye. I was “fine” one minute, and the next I was drowning. Drowning with an insane amount of love and support around me- yet it never seems to be enough for my mind. My mind craves more, but what more could I ask for? What more do I want or need in life? Happiness is an internal thing, and it is something I need to find for myself and create within.

My heart hurts, my mind is heavy, and I am gasping for air. I want out, yet I am not ready to leave yet. The biggest internal struggle that I battle on a constant basis. How much more is there left to see in this universe if it all can change in a blink of an eye.? Today I am here. Today I am safe. But tomorrow?… it can all change, in a blink of an eye.

Xoxo,

~J.R~