I didn’t think I could grieve after giving birth. I always thought grieving was for when someone has passed away. That’s not the case. The amount of grief I’ve experienced since having my daughter is beyond measure.

I grieve my old life.

I grieve my body that once was before her.

I grieve the person I was before giving birth.

I grieve my social life.

I grieve my freedom and independence.

I grieve my time and sleep.

I grieve space and time alone.

I grieve not being attached to the human I created.

I grieve my bubbly personality.

I grieve being called to talk to, not because they want to see the baby.

I grieve being seen and heard.

I grieve being happy and laughing.

I grieve hanging out with friends.

I grieve being present and not numb.

I grieve being full of life, and not lonely.

I grieve vacations and me time.

I grieve it all, even being selfish.

Grief comes in waves.

Now, I don’t regret my daughter. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me, but man does no one prepare you for the grief you’ll experience. It all changes so fast when they make it into this world that you don’t have time to adjust. The new life sets in and hits you like a ton of bricks and you just have to adjust as you go, leaving you grieving.

Grieving what once was and what will never be again. It’s a hard reality to face. In contrast to that, what’s to come is beautiful beyond measure. You get to watch this little human grow, smile, and develop into their own character. The feeling of them needing you is overwhelming and heavy, but so beautiful and fulfilling. It’s a love no one else can fill. A void only they can eliminate It’s unconditional. The journey is hard, but it’s so worth it. I have a built in best friend for the rest of my life. I get to forever be her teacher, her role model… her mommy.

In the end, the blessing and joy over powers ANY and ALL the grief. The grief is real, it’s heavy, and it’s something no one ever prepares you for.

~J.R~ A grieving new mom…