Six years of my life you were. For so long you were my safe place until you became my trigger. For six years you made me believe that I was the problem, until I had a baby and realized we were both the problem. I needed you to take care of me, in the ways you would for six years when I was sick. Having a baby, I was a different kind of sick and instead of helping me you hurt me. Hurt me to a point that I had to forget the beautiful parts of the six years we had together. I want to make it known that I remember the beautiful parts. Six years was so long– yet so beautiful all in one. I wish I could go back in time and do it all over again. Despite the hard parts, the tears and the pain there were beautiful parts to the relationship. Six years of my life I gave you and I can’t get them back, but I’ve learned what I’m willing to accept and what not to accept. I’ve learned my worth and all the beautiful parts about myself. I don’t regret any of it. Those six years were a beautiful lesson learned even in the thick of it. I don’t regret the marriage, or the love we had because it was so real. You being gone sometimes still gets to me. I question if I made the right decision for my daughter because there were beautiful parts in those six years. I’m not sure what the future holds, but if you ever read this, there were beautiful parts, and there’s times I miss you. Maybe one day we’ll cross paths again, and the beautiful parts of those six years could come back to life again. Six years too long, but not wasted. Six years of love, laughter, and tears. Beautiful parts that will always hold a special place in my heart, as will you. Thank you for having loved me unconditionally, and always having reassured me. Those were the best parts of those six years.

Today, tomorrow, forever and always. -J.